This month's prompt was:
“What are you writing for NaNoWriMo? Briefly explain how this book idea come about. Then write a mock first page for the novel.”
So! The novel is Death and Other Things I Fail At, which is about Sophia, a naturally curious ginger who reads from a spell book, which then separates her soul from her body. So she wakes up as a disembodied soul sixty-something years in the future, in which humanity has discovered ghosts exist and 'hunt' them for sport-- Sophia included. Except she's not a ghost, 'cause she's not dead. Soooo basically she, along with some poor boy whose body she hijacked and a Junior Hunter chick who'd rather blast Sophia to smithereens than help her, has to get to her body-- which was (conveniently) cryogenically stored somewhere in Florida. One other thing-- the ghosts that really are dead want Sophia to help them destroy the human race, so in addition to dodging Hunters all over America she also has to avoid being a pawn in a plot to rule the world.
Certainly sounds like a handful! I'm going to be experimenting with world building (something I've never done before) in order to create a futuristic setting. :P
Mock first page!
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Okay, I'll admit, it was really stupid thinking the spell book was fake. What did I expect? That the lady selling the book was so desperate to get rid of it because it looked like it'd been throught he washer too many times, and not because it was magically enchanted hundreds of yeards ago? "It's cursed" is kind of a lame excuse not to buy the thing. Besides, it was summer. I was bored. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn’t even realize I’d been asleep until I woke up—outside, no less. The first thing I noticed was the buildings. They were all round, for one thing, and really tall, which was nothing like the buildings in Seattle. These had really weird silver antennae reaching for the sky like the tip of the Space Needle, but they were on every building as far as I could see.
I didn’t even realize I’d been asleep until I woke up—outside, no less. The first thing I noticed was the buildings. They were all round, for one thing, and really tall, which was nothing like the buildings in Seattle. These had really weird silver antennae reaching for the sky like the tip of the Space Needle, but they were on every building as far as I could see.
Sitting up proved harder than I
thought. The world swam and my head felt light and airy. Was I dreaming? I sure
hoped so. The last thing I remembered was reading that stupid spell from that
stupid book, the unfamiliar words still burned in the back of my mind like
those cliché echoing reminders you hear in the movies.
“Such
a spirit proves cursed thee
So spirited you soon shall be”
So spirited you soon shall be”
That’s
not even good poetry. I sighed and stood, shivering even though the sun was
out and shining.
The place was pleasant enough, I noticed as I took a better look around. There
was a small, fenced park in front of me, complete with children climbing on the
big toy like tiny, overeager monkeys. It took me a second to realize that
everything was moving—the sidewalks, the fence around the park, the grass in
the park, and the people of course. I wasn’t moving though, despite the ground
underneath me sliding along like those moving walkways you find in airports.
When I looked down to see why not, I could see my feet floating an inch or so
above the ground.
Yep. I was definitely dreaming.
A lady walking her dog—well, not
really walking, but you get the point—looked up at me and gasped, obnoxiously
red eyebrows shooting up almost comically. I lifted a hand to wave at her,
still not getting what was going on.
“Um, hi.”
She shrieked. Every head turned as
she slid away from me, mouth wide open, hand still clutching the poor dog’s
leash outstretched to point at me.
“Ghost!” she screamed. “There’s a ghost!”
Say what now? I felt like
Scooby-Doo (“Rhost? Rhere?”), except I knew that she was talking about me. And
as the rest of the people got a good look at me, they started screaming too.
Everyone started to scramble away
from me as fast as their legs could carry them, completely ignoring the moving
walkways to help them get along. Somewhere an alarm blared. I took a step back,
utterly confused, before I realized that there was actually a light post behind
me. I’d stepped right through it.
Holy crap, I really was a ghost!
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BLOG CHAIN:
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BLOG CHAIN:
October 13th – http://cinderscoria.blogspot.com – Between the Lines
October 14th – http://weirdalocity.wordpress.com – Inside the Junk Door
October 15th – http://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com – Musings From Neville’s Navel
October 16th – http://kirstenwrites.wordpress.com – Kirsten Writes!
October 17th – http://mirrormadeofwords.wordpress.com – A Mirror Made of Words
October 18th – http://theteenagewriter.wordpress.com – The Teenage Writer
October 19th – http://platonicpencil.wordpress.com – Platonic Pencil
October 20th – http://markobrienwrites.blogspot.com – Mark O’Brien Writes
October 21st – http://amandafoody.blogspot.com – It’s All In My Head
October 22nd – http://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com – The Incessant Droning of a Bored Writer
October 23rd – http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com - Teens Can Write, Too!
Interesting, engaging voice. I like the occasional hints of humor given by the narrator, and I definitely like the futuristic setting, though I think it's a little bit simple. In addition, the moving walkways concept doesn't really kick in to the reader's imagination until later. Perhaps it was just my eyes skipping over important parts, but it wasn't until the penultimate paragraph that I realized that the ground was moving. Perhaps it was my fault, I don't know. Anyway, good excerpt!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you! Yes, I am not a very good world-builder. :P I'm working on that before NaNo comes so it'll come a little easier when I start. Thanks for your feedback!
DeleteInteresting idea! As Liam said before me, though, I think you could do with a little more scene setting. Possible a little more introduction to Sophia before she's ghost-ified, just to give a sense of where she comes from, and let us get to know her character a little more, to prevent her becoming characterised entirely by her ectoplasmic state? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteNevertheless, the touches of humour are very well done - kudos especially for the Scooby Doo reference!
Interesting premiss!
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the Scooby Doo reference!
Good luck, and have fun with NaNo!
Haha, love it! Love yoiur MC. Do you have a NaNo profile, btw?
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I'd say is "Say what now?" is kind of a weak reaction to someone calling her a ghost. Wouldn't she freeze? Wouldn't her heart start pounding? Something?
Good luck!
Hi, I've nominated you for an award: http://mirrormadeofwords.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/88/
ReplyDeleteI would read this book. The opening sentence captures so much - the teenage voice, the set-up, the cliche etc... and while not every sentence after it is as strong, overall the first page is really engaging.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with NaNo, and welcome to the blog chain!