Tuesday, April 10, 2012


So, a friend of mine passed away. He's been fighting a losing battle with leukemia the last few months, and about two hours ago he ended it.

He was twelve.

I don't want to be a downer, but suicide is... touchy for me. I'm angry at him. And at myself. Never once, no matter how bad my life got, did I consider taking my own life. Of course, I also wasn't diagnosed with cancer, or forced to defend the illness over the internet like James. But he had people who cared about him. I cared about him. And so many people who loved him are looking desperately for people to blame-- the haters who ragged on him and the rest of us who tried to support him through our fanfiction stories, themselves, or anyone.

Never think for one second that you are not strong enough. Do I know you? Nope. But I know that everyone can fight through it, as long as you don't give up.

James gave up.

So freaking easily. I'm not going to be a hypocrite, or judgmental, but there is absolutely nothing that can justify what he did to himself-- and to all of us. I'm telling you right now: don't you ever take your own life. You might be on the brink. You might feel like no one cares, might want to test that theory, but don't. People care about you. People love you. If you feel like no one else does, then by all means, come to me. I'll care. You think your life is bad? Let's trade stories. I bet mine beats yours.

Death is natural for everyone. James beat his leukemia into recession a month ago. He shouldn't have had to commit suicide so soon after that brush with death. I'm telling you right now: it's just. Not. Fair. So please. If you feel like you need to be heard and suicide is the only way to do it, please talk to me. I want to know. I want to help you. And I want my twelve-year-old author friend to come back and believe that he could live. He never will. But you can.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Cinder! *hugs*

    I didn't know he was twelve... even though that fact doesn't make things any better or worse. And I can't believe people treated him like that. I'm so sorry Cinder, and I would say I understand, but I know you hate it when people say that. You give great advice, and you're a great friend and a great writer as well.

    May James rest in peace.